The Laser Straight

OK, so I’m a lucky bastard that gets to work from home. Because of this, I often end up working odd hours. I sometimes end up going to bed around 3AM watching reruns of Conan O’Brien.

The commercials at 3AM are a different breed. You don’t see McDonalds, Ford or Sprite ads. You see countless get-rich-quick schemes, the Dale Earnhardt decorative clock and the pan with the collander built into the lid so you can drain your noodles without them all sliding down the drain leaving you frustrated and noodleless.

My personal favorite is the Laser Straight.

Now the Laser Straight isn’t anything special in itself, though I suppose $20 is a pretty good price for a laser level. But I love the commercial for other reasons.

A few seconds into the commercial, the announcer says that the Laser Straight uses “refractive lens technology”. That certainly sounds impressive. But to drive the point home, they even put a graphic up: “Refractive Lens Technology”. Amazing that they can bring us a technological breakthrough like refractive lens technology for a mere $19.99.

But wait a minute. Doesn’t “to refract” mean to bend light waves (assuming they’re not particles at the time, but that’s a whole other ball of tofu)? And don’t all lenses refract? I mean, isn’t that the sole purpose of a lens, to refract light? Hmmm, better check….

dictionary.com:

lens

1. A ground or molded piece of glass, plastic, or other transparent material with opposite surfaces either or both of which are curved, by means of which light rays are refracted so that they converge or diverge to form an image.

Yup. Lenses refract. Whoda thunk? So the Laser Straight has a fucking lens. Impressive.

Now as if the marvel of refractive lens technology wasn’t enough, if you act now you also receive the Laser Straight Studfinder. I don’t think lasers play any part in the Laser Straight Studfinder, because last time I checked lasers couldn’t penetrate sheetrock. Well, maybe some heavy-duty military black project lasers could, but then your walls would be all fucked up. But it is easy to find a stud if you burn holes in the drywall.