Yet Another Reason to Hate the Holidays

You know what else I hate about Christmas time besides that fucking Menard’s jingle? Commercials where people give each other cars for Christmas. If you’re so god-damned rich that you can surprise your spouse with a Lexus under the tree, I automatically hate you. I hate you, I hate your Japanese luxury car and I hate your fucking giant red bow you wrap around it.

Not that I automatically hate anyone who can afford a Lexus, shit, I could probably afford one if I didn’t have kids. But you know, the whole act of surprising somebody with a $48,000 gift kind of rules out the discussion that should take place before a purchase of such magnitude. “Honey, I just put us $48,000 deeper in debt without consulting you, but Merry Christmas!”

And nevermind that for the same money you can get a much better car. Shit, you can get a WRX STi for $32K, and I guarantee it’ll be more fun to drive than a fucking soul-less luxury car or a “mine’s bigger than yours” SUV. For $44K you could have a fucking Corvette. Anybody who chooses a Lexus over a Corvette is fucking yuppie scum and deserves to die. And don’t give me that “I have a family, I can’t drive them around in a Corvette” bullshit. You can’t drive them around in a Lexus either without little Jimmy getting cookie crumbs all over the leather. If that’s your concern, buy a fucking minivan or station wagon. Here’s a nice wagon.