The Peanut Butter/Love Equation

So I just saw this commercial for Jif brand peanut butter. It was the one where the dad makes his little daughter a peanut butter sandwich, and explains why he folds it in half. You know the one. I’ve seen this 30-second piece of shmaltz at least 100 times, but today was the first time that I was able to pick up on the subtext.

At the end of the commercial they say (and I’m paraphrasing here), “Buying Jif is an easy way to show your loved ones how much you care.” This got me wondering.

You see, my wife has certain responsibilities in our house, not the least of which is buying peanut butter. Of course, had I realized that so much rode on the Peanut Butter decision, I may have opted to handle that duty myself. Anyway, I decided to investigate the pantry.

Imagine my utter shock when I saw, not a jar of Jif, but a giant Sam’s Club sized can of Peter Pan peanut butter. Even after I regained my composure, I still could not escape the undeniable truth of what my wife’s choice of peanut butter said about her: She loves neither me nor our children.

If anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer in the Chicago area, I would appreciate it.