Mad Ramblings of FatDave

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March 2005
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The Peanut Butter/Love Equation

So I just saw this commercial for Jif brand peanut butter. It was the one where the dad makes his little daughter a peanut butter sandwich, and explains why he folds it in half. You know the one. I’ve seen this 30-second piece of shmaltz at least 100 times, but today was the first time that I was able to pick up on the subtext.

At the end of the commercial they say (and I’m paraphrasing here), “Buying Jif is an easy way to show your loved ones how much you care.” This got me wondering.

You see, my wife has certain responsibilities in our house, not the least of which is buying peanut butter. Of course, had I realized that so much rode on the Peanut Butter decision, I may have opted to handle that duty myself. Anyway, I decided to investigate the pantry.

Imagine my utter shock when I saw, not a jar of Jif, but a giant Sam’s Club sized can of Peter Pan peanut butter. Even after I regained my composure, I still could not escape the undeniable truth of what my wife’s choice of peanut butter said about her: She loves neither me nor our children.

If anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer in the Chicago area, I would appreciate it.

3 Comments
FatDave	2005/03/12 09:33:00
In an attempt to get the quote from the commercial just right, I went to the ever-popular www.jif.com hoping they would have their commercials viewable online. While that idea was a bust, I did notice that they do have The Jif Newsletter for people who worry that they might miss out on some crucial new peanut butter development. I was going to sign up for it, but they say it’s the newsletter for “choosy moms”, and I’m neither choosy nor am I a mom, though at times I can be a real mother. While not signing up though, I couldn’t help but notice that one of the required fields was birthdate. I imagine that if you’re over 18 you’ll receive the “adult” version of the newsletter. The suggested uses for their product are probably somewhat more creative in it than they are in the standard version.
You'll know who	2005/03/12 14:21:00
ESAD-YFFB I must admit that you have a strong point, everyone knows that if you don’t use jif then you do not love your family as you should. Given the way that you (and all men) look for things in the pantry/frig, I would be inclined to believe that jif had been in there at one point and that the children had eaten it all up. You see its not the children who aren’t loved. It’s just you. The jif must be reserved for the ppl whom you truly care about. You must be aware of course that your lack of saturn says volumes about what you care for the safety of your family. Then of course if you truly loved your children you would have cable for the educational shows of course. As to your wife how many diamonds have you given her to prove your undying love for her? Because every kiss begins with kays and of course theres jerod. When you yourself truly choose to give only the best THEN you can point fingers. You live in a glass house and thrown many stones, not to mention walk around naked in front of the windows.
FatDave	2005/03/12 15:09:00
Jesus H. Christ on a moped lady, I feel sorry for the poor son-of-a-bitch that marries you! Wait a minute, I’ll know who…?

Posted in Misc	09:23:00
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The Peanut Butter/Love Equation

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