Fucking Blasphemy

A few nights back I watching a rerun of Conan O’Brien. One of his guests was Hilary Duff. Apparently on her new CD she does a cover of The Who classic “My Generation”. Now while just the mere thought of Hilary Duff singing The Who is bad enough, Conan mentioned that she changed the line “hope I die before I get old” to “hope I don’t die before I get old”.

What the fuck kind of bullshit is this?

Now, I’m not about to enumerate every reason why Hilary Duff should be painfully killed (the list would surely push me over my monthly bandwidth limits), but this has got to be pretty fucking near the top. I’m sorry, but you simply can’t do that. Many would say that rock and roll is all about being a pissed-off, angst-ridden, rebellious teenager, and “My Generation” is probably the single purest example of that concept. You can not take it and sanitize it like that. That’s a fucking crime against music.

Conan gave her some shit about it, but he kept it light. That’s why he’s a talk show host and I’m not. I may have snapped, yelled “Well too fucking bad!” and bludgeoned her to death with a microphone.

I’ll Take “Things That Make You Feel Old” for $500, Alex

It occurred to me the other day that I’ve now spent more of my life not a virgin than I spent a virgin. The line was actually crossed roughly 10 months ago (funny that I don’t remember the exact date) but I didn’t realize it until a couple days ago. I’m not sure if—or how—I should celebrate.