Ben Folds Fucking Rules

So the wife and I saw Ben Folds in Chicago last night. Great fucking show. I could just write a review, but instead I’ll ramble on and on about every little detail that absolutely no one will care about, and every little detail about how the music of Ben Folds fits into my world. Consider yourself warned.

So I’ve been a huge Ben Folds fan for about 8 years. I’ve been huge for about 14 years, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, I typically can’t stand modern rock. Does nothing for me. Oh sure, I can get into the White Stripes occasionally, and a dude turned me onto The Mars Volta not long ago (though I can only take them in small doses, lest the music drive me into full-blown schizophrenia) but in 1997, I don’t remember there being a thing worthwhile (musically speaking that is, I think we can all agree that Warcraft II ruled).

But for some reason I still watched MTV. I’d probably watch it still if I wasn’t too poor for cable. Guess you could say even if I hate the music of the time, I still like to know what’s going on. I like my hate to have focus.

So anyway, sometime back in 1997 I was watching MTV at 3am (not really watching, I was reading or something and it was on in the background) and they showed the video for “The Battle of Who Could Care Less”. It grabbed my attention immediately. First of all, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard a lead piano. Joe Jackson back in the 80’s maybe? Secondly, the musicianship was outstanding, the piano obviously, but the drumming was complex and jazzy, not just some asshole going kick-snare-kick-snare on the beat. And the bass player was no slouch either. And on top of that, it seemed like Ben was actually saying something. Something that needed to be said.

And this is how Ben Folds kind of pisses me off. You see, I have delusions of being a musician. I’ve played the guitar for a few years, can sing enough to not sound like a giraffe dying, and always thought I could write a decent song if I had something worth saying. About this time I knew what song I was going to write. I was going to stick it to the so-called Generation X, which just happened to be my generation. The thing is, I fit the description they laid out pretty well, and that pissed me off to no end. I’ve always taken pride in my individualism, my desire to do what I like and fuck anybody who doesn’t like it. Suddenly the way I dressed, felt, and acted (my philosophy if you will) became the cool thing to do. I was fucking pissed. I didn’t know where all these fucking hipsters had come from all of a sudden, because they sure as hell weren’t around when I was in high school. So I was going to write a song expressing those feelings. But then Ben came along and said “you see, I’ve got your old ID and you’re all dressed up like The Cure”. In that song (”Battle of Who Could Care Less”) he said everything I’d been wanting to say, only better than I could’ve. And he’s done that time and time again. How can I be a songwriter with a guy like Ben Folds in the world?

Anyway, after seeing that video I watched MTV nonstop (a truly painful exercise) until they showed the video again, which was 3am the following day. I doubt they ever showed it again. I went to Best Buy the next day and bought the CD.

Of course that CD was Whatever and Ever Amen, Ben Folds Five’s major-label debut. I was worried that maybe the rest of the album was crap. I’d been duped by one good song before. But no, the whole album was awesome. I quickly bought their debut album, and you know what? It was as good or better. Ben Folds’ music was the first (and and so far only) music of my generation that actually spoke to me.

So I’ve been a huge fan for awhile, but despite constant touring and affordable concerts I hadn’t managed to see him live until last night. It’s a shame the Five broke up, because I never got to see them, and while I love Ben’s solo material, Darren and Robert fucking owned the drums and bass, respectively. Mrs. FatDave has recently taken up piano and become a pretty huge Folds fan herself, so tickets to this show were a pretty easy sell.

Anyway, it was a general admission show at an old theatre in Chicago, the Rivierra. Doors opened at 6pm (the show was at 7:30) and it was my plan to be there by 5 and get right up front. Of course, our fucking unreliable babysitter crapped out on us and we had to find a last-minute replacement. Our replacement worked until 4:30, had to pick up her son at day care, and long story short, we ended up in the balcony. I coulda had a good view from the floor, but the wife’s on the short side and wouldn’t have been able to see dick (or Ben). All good though, the Rivierra’s not a huge place, and I don’t think there’s really a bad seat anywhere. We had a good clear view, could see the band’s facial expressions and everything. The sound was decent, I would’ve liked the volume on the piano a little louder, but then I doubt the sound man was mixing for the balcony. Probably sounded awesome at the soundboard.

Now to keep you hanging a little longer, I gotta talk about the opening act. This was a guy I’d never heard of named Corn Mo. In Hollywood movie pitch terms, he was Weird Al meets Jack Black meets Meat Loaf meets Vince Neil. Imagine, if you will, a chubby guy with long blond hair, sequins on his cuffs, playing the accordion and occasionally whacking a cymbal lying upturned on the stage with a drumstick affixed to his right shoe, all the while singing goofy songs (that all seemed to incorporate candy, ice cream, or at least sandwiches) in a wailing heavy metal rock voice. That’s Corn Mo. Here’s a video, here’s mp3’s.

So after 30 minutes of Corn Mo, Ben came out and rocked the bitch (without actually playing “Rock this Bitch” or even “R.O.C.K with your C.O.C.K. Out”, but that’s OK, that dead horse is thoroughly beaten). You can see the set list here. It was awesome. The audience sang along with every song, and Ben beat the hell out of his piano. His bass player and drummer were good, but no Robert Sledge and Darren Jesse.

Highlights were pretty much where I expected, “Zak & Sara”, “Army” (the audience singing the horn parts of course), “All U Can Eat”, and “Philosophy” with “Miserlou” worked in. The audience played a big role in “Underground” and “Rockin’ the Suburbs” where he left it up to us to both sing the Preparation H line and scream “FUCK!”. On “You to Thank” he changed the line “by the time our buzz was wearing off” to “by the time the drugs were wearing off”.

There were a couple guys sitting next to me who I don’t think knew what they were getting into. I dunno, maybe some friend of theirs had tickets they couldn’t use and they were like “yeah, I’ve heard of Ben Folds, and hey, free concert”. But most Folds fans are so dedicated and rabid, his concerts are kinda like cult meetings. These guys looked a little frightened that everybody in the audience sang along, and I swear they jumped when everybody clapped their hands at the line “I click my heels” in “Underground”. Gooble gobble, guys.

On the song “Not the Same” Ben’s got this thing he does where before the song he teaches the audience to sing a couple notes in three-part harmony and then conducts those parts from the piano. After the song he conducts the audience singing them solo. Now in all the footage I’ve seen of this and all the bootlegs I’ve listened to, I’ve never heard this go on so long. He had us going up and down, doing it staccato, this half of the audience only, that half of the audience only. It was fucking sweet.

Now it would have been nice to come home from that and go to sleep, but no, I had work to do. So I do my little programming crap, and figure I’ll see what’s on the AV Club, since it publishes every tuesday night. And who was their interview with? Ben Folds, of course.

So eventually I decide to go to bed. The wife had been asleep long ago, so rather than waking her up I go to sleep on the couch in front of the TV. A little before 4am I wake up having to piss, take care of that, and go back to the couch. A rerun of Conan O’Brien from about a week ago is on. Just as I’m closing my eyes, Conan says “please welcome Ben Folds”. And there’s Folds, playing “Landed” with a full string section. Personally, I don’t like when he fucks around with string sections, and this was worse than normal, because all they did is drown out his piano. There’s some pretty intricate stuff going on harmonically in that song, and it was all lost against cellos and violas and shit. Oh well.

By that point I was experiencing Ben Folds sensory overload. I woke up this morning feeling hung over, even though I only drank one beer at the show.