Fuck iTunes

OK, so the last time I wanted to watch a movie trailer online, I had to upgrade my QuickTime installation. No biggie right? But interestingly, this time it forced me to install iTunes. I would think Apple, who has always been a pretty cool company (despite losing their genius-in-charge way back when), would try to distance themselves from Microsoftian tactics like forcing users to install software completely unrelated to the task at hand simply because they want it to become ubiquitous. But still no biggie, because I keep finding free downloads under bottle caps and shit, and I figure I’ll probably use it eventually. Every time I open task manager though, I see it there hiding in the background processes, sucking at my precious system processes like a giant quantum tit.

Anyway, today I find out about a free iTunes download for a musician my brother just turned me onto, so I figure I’ll see how this iTunes shit works, what the big deal is, why it was so important that I was forced to install it along with QuickTime. I immediately came to the realization that I had to go through some setup.

The first thing it asked me (I think, I’m writing this from memory after all) was if I wanted to scan my hard drive for .mp3 and .aac files. I didn’t see a button labeled “Abso-fucking-lutely Not!”, so I unchecked the little checkbox. You see, Apple, having still never broken even on the Macintosh (yes, I’m exagerating), has found a new gold mine in digital audio distribution, and they are hell-bent on becoming the defacto standard. Apple would like it very much if all digital music was purchased through them, and this might make them somewhat interested in what other .mp3’s I have in my possession and whether or not I actually have the legal right to have said .mp3’s. Caveat fur!

The other thing it asked me, I think in the same dialog, was if I wanted it to automatically rearrange all my audio files. Well no, thank you, I tend put my files where I do for a reason, and when I look for them I tend to look for them where I put them. Also, if iTunes moves them, how then will all my P2P clients find all the (completely legal) recordings (of bands who allow their live recordings to be freely distributed) that I share? (Seriously, I’d never consider infringing a copyright, even though I’ve bought countless CD’s at full price to get a single song or two, even though they told us CD’s were indestructible and would last forever, even though the RIAA routinely fucks the artists whose backs they ride all the way to the bank.)

All that ugliness aside, I was still onboard with the iTunes at this point. I mean hey, I was going to get a free song and not even have to look over my shoulder or find an open proxy server (not that I know anything about such matters). So eventually I see my song, with the price listed as “free”, so I click the download button. Oh boy, now I get to create an account. Yay! Nothing like one more password to have to remember, but what the fuck. I’ve got email addresses that serve no other purpose than to hand out to likely spammers, so I can create an account without fear.

But then the thing that drove me to declare “Fuck iTunes” from my godforsaken blog happened. It asked for my credit card info.

Now there’s so many ways this pissed me off. First and most obviously, why the fuck should I have to give up my credit card info to download a free song? I mean, the chances of me buying music through iTunes is pretty god-damned slim. Not that I wouldn’t pay for online music, but I’m not about to pay $.99 a song for music in a lossy format like 128K mp3, or in some format that restricts what I can and can’t do with the product that I fucking paid for. They wanna sell me flac files at that price, we’ll talk. Of course, they figure if they can get me to give up my numbers now, it’ll be easier to get me to buy in the future. Not bloody likely.

Another thing is, even if I were to buy music through their little service, I’d much rather enter my credit card info each time I make a purchase. Now maybe most users don’t want to be bothered with this, but if I’m spending money I want to be reminded I’m spending money. I also don’t want one of my kids getting in my office and buying a bunch of what passes for music these days because they thought it would be fun to bang on daddy’s keyboard. Or hell, cats sometimes get shut in here. I don’t want a cat buying Hilary Duff tracks by walking across my desk (and quit chewing through cables you stupid little shit, because if 120VAC doesn’t kill you, I will). And most importantly of all, I don’t want my credit card info stored on some computer at Apple.

So fuck iTunes. I don’t like being forced to install software I don’t want, I don’t like giving up my credit card number for something I’m not buying, and I sure as fuck don’t like Digital Rights Management. And fuck the iPod, because you have to transfer music to it through iTunes. If I’m gonna be carrying gigabytes of digital audio processing in my pocket, I’d like to be able to plug in a mic and record anyway.

It’s great that the digital music revolution is fucking up the RIAA, believe me, I’m all for that. But Jesus H. Christ, are we gonna replace it with something worse? Not if I can help it.