Where Does Water Come From?

If a five-year-old ever asks you this question, the answer is “rain”. That’s it. That will be enough. A five-year-old has very little interest in the evaporation/precipitation cycle, and even less interest in hydrogen and oxygen and that they’ve been around since the big bang. By the time you get to the strong and weak nuclear forces, they’re ignoring you and have already gone back to coloring or watching Looney Tunes. So save your breath. Water comes from rain.

I Feel Guilty About Being a Dick to Telemarketers

Because, you know, I used to be one. I know it’s just some poor kid or ex-con at the other end. But I can’t help it sometimes. Here’s how a conversation mere minutes ago went:

Telephone: Ring ring ring!

Me (picking up telephone): Hello?

Telephone (absolute dead silence): …

Me: …

Telemarketer (after dead silence becomes background noise): …hello?

Me: I hate autodialers. An autodialer immediately lets me know I don’t want to talk to you.

Telemarketer (stunned): Ummm…. I’m calling from VMS, and what we do is help magazine publishers with their circulations….

Me: See what I mean? I was right. I don’t want to talk to you. Thank you!

So I was a dick, and now I feel guilty. But at least I was an interesting dick, not just a screaming swearing dick. And I’m not afraid to own my dickness.

And yes, I know about the National Do-Not-Call list, but I just moved. I’ll consider this call a reminder to do that.