Even in My Sleep I Find Myself Amusing

I had an interesting dream last night. No, it wasn’t the one where I repeatedly pistol whip the Shamwow guy with a Luger while saying, “Hey! Germans do make good stuff!”

In this dream, I was back in high school. I’m rapidly approaching 40 years old, yet I still dream I’m back in high school every so often. That’s pretty fucked up if you think about it for too long, so I try not to. Anyway, I was back in high school and thankfully I was fully dressed. They had just freshly painted the boys bathroom, and the principal was lecturing us on not writing on the walls. Somehow, I was lucky enough to be the first person to use this freshly painted bathroom, and I was also lucky enough to have a Sharpie in my pocket. The immaculate walls were too much to resist. I wrote, in big bold letters, “first post”.

Hey Comment Spammers! Could You Just Go Die a Horribly Slow and Painful Death Already? Thanks.

Because first of all, you don’t get through. I moderate my comments to keep your pathetic bullshit off of here.

And secondly, has anybody ever bought prescription drugs online from a link in comment spam? Like ever? Because I just don’t see somebody reading my silly bullshit posts then saying, “Hey, now that you mention it I could use some Viagra. Thanks for the handy link, spammer!”

I think I speak for the entire internet when I say you should be choked to death with your own cocks.