I’m Sick of Comedy Central Fucking Up Futurama

Look, I’m glad somebody’s showing it, and I’ve got nothing against Comedy Central in general. I like The Daily Show and Colbert, and I’ll always love South Park (even though I sometimes tire of them spouting libertarian clap-trap). But they’re fucking up Futurama in a number of ways.

I suppose before I go any further, I’d better stop and say that I am a huge geek for Futurama. Having read the Wired cover story months before the show even aired, I was there from day one. I’ve watched it continuously since then. I can usually tell you the name of the episode from the opening scene, and sometimes from the opening subtitle. I can name everyone in the Robot Mafia. The show never let me down, at least not until Bender’s Big Score.

And allow me one further digression on that topic. I’d like to settle the debate once and for all: Bender’s Big Score was pretty much crap. It made That’s Lobstertainment look like Roswell That Ends Well.

But anyway, my point was that now that Comedy Central is showing the reruns, they’re fucking them all up. Here’s how.

First of all, they nearly always show two episodes back to back. I’m going to refer to them as Episode A and Episode B (even though I’m tempted to call them Episode A and Episode 1 so neither feels inferior). Now while two episodes back to back would normally be a good thing, for some reason they refuse to show the closing credits for Episode A.  They start Episode B immediately after the final dialogue of Episode A and put a tear (as in rip, not as in cry) effect across the bottom of the screen during the opening of Episode B, and inside of this torn off area they show a compressed version of the closing credits from Episode A. This would be only a minor sacrilege, except that every episode opens with a joke subtitle. Things like “Painstakingly Drawn Before a Live Audience” or “In Double-Vision (Where Drunk)”. And that god-damn tear across the bottom of the screen nearly always obscures the subtitle. It pisses me off. It’s the equivalent of cutting the chalkboard gag from the beginning of every Simpsons episode (though there’s probably some shitty channel that does that, too).

Secondly, I don’t know how they manage to do it, but they somehow fuck up the ending time of Episode A so that the DVR misses the last minute or two. Granted, I’m usually recording both episodes, so theoretically I can pick up the ending at the beginning of the next episode, except for two problems. One is that sometimes I don’t get the second episode. Despite my love of Futurama, I’ve seen each one at least a dozen times, so they’re a lowish priority in the DVR settings. Also, even when I do get the second episode recorded, there’s still a few seconds missing. Sure it’s only a few seconds, but there’s been a few times that those missing seconds contained one of the best jokes. And the really weird part of this is that despite starting late, the second episode always finishes on time. With time to spare. I get the first minute or so of whatever show follows it. WTF? Are they frontloading all the commercials into the first episode or something? Why would Episode A run over and then Episode B end on time?

And my last gripe has to do with my kids. My kids are pretty cool. They love Futurama. Seriously, every night I hear “Dad, can we watch Futurama?” Granted, there are certain episodes I don’t let them watch. I don’t want to have to explain snu-snu or how it leads to shattered pelvises. But since sometimes they show Futurama late at night, my recordings are often filled with commercials for Girls Gone Wild and gay 1-900 chat lines. I end up having to be pretty fucking diligent on the DVR remote when we watch. And seriously, are these the only advertisers Comedy Central can get? Tittie videos and gay voice chat? Fuck man, I watch G4 some nights, and all they show is commercials for pecker pills, but at least they’re subtle. I mean, my kids wouldn’t know that “male enhancement” is innuendo for “makes your cock bigger”, but it’s hard not to notice that those girls in thongs are showing their tits and kissing each other. I’m all for dumb drunk chicks showing their tits and making out of course, but I’d rather my kids don’t see it, at least not until they’re 9 or 10.

So seriously, Comedy Central, stop fucking up Futurama. Cartoon Network managed to not fuck it all up back when it was on Adult Swim. Why is it so hard for you?